Lead Me

There’s a difference between taking a risk for the Lord that He never asked you to take, finding yourself struggling emotionally, spiritually...and taking a step in obedience to His voice. Not knowing where it will go...but trusting His leading. Putting fear aside and leaning into Him for everything. Our family found ourselves at that place...jumping out of the airplane, trusting there was a chute in the pack and that it would open. It did!! Joshua 1:9

We Will Stand

Norm and I wrote this for Promise Keepers’ Live Worship project (Maranatha! Music). It was cool and an unexpected blessing to hear of its use in a number of weddings.

Mary’s Song

This is the one song on the cd that is not a worship tune. I wrote this song about my mom’s death.

My mom was an alcoholic and bolemic my entire life. In the fall of ‘96, we were able to get her into detox and rehab. It was a heartwrenching experience for all of us. During rehab, she finally accepted God’s forgiveness and love. It was amazing and overwhelming. For a brief moment in time, I had my mom...sober...saved...walls gone. But she unsuccessfully tried to maintain her sobriety on her own, with no outside accountability. She eventually isolated herself from everyone out of guilt and shame. After several months, a friend she had been living with called. I wasn’t prepared for what I found when I showed up. My mom appeared to be about 85 pounds...jaundiced (yellow from head to toe)...covered in bruises from running into walls. I was speechless and yet totally unprepared when the doctor at the hospital asked if I knew her wishes for life support. She was just 54 years old.

Over the next few days, God demonstrated His love for this broken woman in such awesome ways. This uninsured alcoholic somehow ended up in a private room. I would come to the hospital in the mornings and someone would have washed her and braided her hair. Jesus came down and kissed his daughter on the cheek. She was treated like a VIP by the hospital for no explicable reason. We prayed with her, and though unable to speak, tears streamed down her cheeks. I desperately prayed for God to give me some assurance of her spiritual state. Everything I was seeing seemed so contrary to what this should be. All I can say is I received supernatural, tangible peace. I knew that moment that she was in His hands.

There is a parable about a vineyard owner who gets workers at 9 a.m., noon, 3 p.m., etc., and at the end of the day, he pays them all the same amount. The guys who have been working all day long are understandably upset. The owner basically says, “I can do what I want with my money.” I never understood that. It always seemed unfair...until the day my mom died, and I realized she got paid! I had been a Christian for 20 years and had been praying for her for 17 years. Yet here she was, being ushered into His presence, every tear being wiped away....and she had barely worked for 5 minutes! She got paid!

I struggled for several years with trying to express what those last few days were...what I had witnessed. This is what finally came.

Free

I dedicate this song to my Grandma because it was her testimony. At 83 years of age, I witnessed Jesus woo her to Himself...setting her free from years of pain and bondage to fear and feelings of unworthiness. I was stunned at the depth of God’s love...that even in the twilight of her life, He tenderly brought His daughter through a process of restoration and healing. I was also struck by her willingness to humble herself and consequently change the spiritual legacy in our family. My Grandma was a Christian my whole life, but didn’t trust Jesus with all of her being until the final few years of her life. Jesus was patiently waiting to lavish her with His love...and He most assuredly did. Amazing!!

Let’s not wait until we’re in our eighties to experience this freedom that only God can extend.

Galatians 5:1, Isaiah 61:1-3

Return For Me

This is the first song I ever wrote. For years I wanted to be able to write songs...but every time I tried, it was painfully clear that I had been absent the day that gift was passed out! I went through being envious, sad, frustrated and finally accepted that it just was not my calling. One evening after a women’s bible study about the bridegroom Christ returning for His bride, I began to sing this song in my car on the drive home. Go figure!

I hope those of you in the midst of a similar journey today can draw encouragement...sometimes He’s not saying “no”...but rather, “not quite yet...hang on, and trust Me.”